Sunday, 28 October 2012

What it takes to be a Real Man

Men forcing women to have sex with them.
Men forcing women to have sex with them when they want.
Men forcing women to have sex with them more often.

Men forcing women to have sex with them period, to me constitutes rape*. Whether the man uses his physical power to rape, kicks his wife out of the bed unless she gives in, withholds money, uses emotional blackmail**, or goes off sleeping around to emotionally manipulate her into thinking it’s all her fault and that she is obliged to give him what he wants***. In the eyes of the law in the UK all of these things would constitute a rape charge. But alas, so many men carry on perpetrating these types of crimes because for some reason they think they are owed something, or they feel cheated because their wife is menopausal and not feeling like having sex. "I am a man and I have feelings, I have needs." Fucking disgusting.

I would say that any of these disgusting techniques are to me as abhorrent as the acts of someone like Jimmy Savile (maybe worse, as Savile was clearly a clinical psychopath, whereas husbands are doing this to the one they "Love"). Using a position of power, whether given by institution or by “god given abilities”, instead of trying to create a mutual position of love, is for me atavism to the highest degree. But how can we approach these old out of touch men who seek to foster an environment that leads to this way of thinking. How can we make them realise they are owed nothing, and that if they would like something they should work at it, or even sometimes put-up and shut-up/forget-about-it? How can we get them to shoulder the blame and change their ways, to realise they have to provide safety and protection for their woman without the expectation of sexual favours on demand? Maybe we can’t teach older dogs new tricks (and sadly we can’t put them down as they are supposedly humans not animals), but we can, by peace, bring up the next generation to realise that men have no special sexual dispensation: a mode many men are attempting to manipulate/perpetuate within the modern social context.

There is a big difference between working and striving to please your woman, and using threats to get what you want.

For all you women out there who worry that the next generation won’t move onwards to a more civilised state of social evolution, I can say with my hand on my heart that I as a father will ensure my son understands his responsibilities fully, without any erroneous feeling of  entitlement.

Is being a real man being one who creates and provides? Not only; not without the recognition that women are to be cherished and loved and respected, at all times, for the wonderful and beautiful entities they are.

* "Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent." 
Source Wikipedia:

*** Marital rape by coercion: "Increasingly, researchers have begun to use broad definitions of sexual violence to more fully understand many women's experiences of ""unwanted sex"" or sex out of a sense of obligation or ""wifely duty"" (Basile, 2002; DeKeseredy & Joseph, in press; Finkelhor & Yllo, 1985).  For example, Finkelhor and Yllo (1985) note the importance of social coercion (the pressure women feel to have sex as a result of social and cultural expectations of marriage as an institution) and interpersonal coercion (women who feel pressured to have sex when non-violent threats such as withholding money or child support are made) in women's experiences of marital rape.  In their study of women who are sexually assaulted when they are separated or divorced from their partners, DeKeseredy and Joseph (in press) classify women's experiences into four categories including sexual contact, sexual coercion (which includes unwanted intercourse as a result of verbal pressure), attempted rape, and rape.  Each of these conceptualizations is important in helping us to understand the complexities and nuances of women's experiences of sexual violence with their partners.  As we will address later, it is important for practitioners who are involved in trying to end violence against women to see marital rape in all of its forms and complexities in order to assist survivors." 


If you are suffering at the will of your partner please consider one of the below links:

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